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The light
The light guides me
The light calls to me
It’s the beacon that will show me the way
But the darkness
The darkness is engulfing
Like a thick fog rolling in over the sea
The darkness grabs onto my heart
The darkness with its thorny icy hands grabs onto my heart
The darkness binds thick chains to it
I struggle,
I struggle to free myself,
I struggle to remove the chains,
I struggle to see the light once again,
The light
The light peaks through the darkness
The light feels like a warm ray of sunshine after a cold rainy day.
But the darkness
The darkenss is pulling me down,
The darkness is drowning me in sea of perpetual turmoil.
The light,
The light with it’s warm embrace calls to me
I cannot stop,
I have to keep fighting for the light…

On this dreary Friday day, I had to stop the car and admire what I saw. The beauty behind the dreary day. The sun peaking through the trees reminds me that there is hope, that there is good, and that all is not lost.

The cold rain hitting my skin,
The wind blowing past me,
The visor building up drops as I ride,
I’m up to 75mph and only thoughts of flying enter my mind,
The rain at that speed feels like specs of dirt hitting my skin,
But those pings of pain keep me grounded,
The pain that I feel growing,
The pain that is spreading through my core.
Continue…

Sifting through memories, i stumble across a picture.
Her picture.
I stare and I’m immediately there in front of her.
I am speechless. She looks at me as though I have been gone.
She looks at me as someone who has somehow survived a great heartbreak.
A heart break which I caused.
She stares in disbelief, because for once in her life she sees the love that has always been there.
She sees the love my love with no fear.
Continue…

Strange to think that memories can attack you!
Can bring about emotions that u thought had passed!
But a smile, a long soft kiss, the deep stare of her eyes, brings u back to that moment!
Then the surge of emotions hit!
Not of one specific, but the culmination of time passed!
The joy, the anger, the hate, the loneliness, and the love that has perished!
The dam that I have carefully built is starting to give!
Another storm and I fear that the flood will destroy me!

I live in a diluted land of make believe and fantasy land where I think my ideas of what I want in a relationship is viable, but alas I find that the truth is that if I keep reaching for the stars and all I will find is disappointment, where in truth all I had to do is look down at the reflection in the water and that is where I could touch the stars.

I seem to think that the mystery of that ideal woman is more the attraction because the ideal woman is not out in a far away place, its right here, right in front of me, but my fears and my doubts and my heart won’t let it be. I long to be sought after, to return the feeling of the other, but my soul is clouded with confusion, because with love comes pain, but with seclusion comes loneliness, but no pain. I guess the question is… is it better to have loved and have gotten hurt or to never have loved at all?

Today i find that i see beyond the reach of my sight… you ask how, because my soul has found the path, the path to enlightenment, the path to knowledge, the path to eternal bliss, but the road is only big enough for one, but alas i cannot leave yet, i find that there are those that rely on me, need me. To endure the pain, is to show my love, to sacrifice my happiness is to display my affection, to see there smiles fills my heart with more love and bliss than the path… so was the path an illusion? was the destination a false pretense to what i would eventually find?

in the mist of the rain i find that i am drowning in the tears of my own pain
pain that could have been avoided,
pain that could have been joy…
pain that could have past…
but yet the pain lingers,
yet the pain creates a flood that sweeps my soul away… a
way i hope to a better place…
because my soul cannot tread water any more
I feel that my soul will drown in the rivers of despair
as i take my last breath and sink to the bottom of my eternal resting place.